thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
