i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
