a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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