uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
