there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
