Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
