somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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