I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
