I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
