then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
