dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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