I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
