dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
