I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
