Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
