i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
