So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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