you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This toilet bowl is my home.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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