i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
