Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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