he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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