Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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