think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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