please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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