you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
