When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
