I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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