there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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