he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
