Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
