Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
