So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
