think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
