My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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