I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i think my cat just said my name.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
