i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
