I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Randomize
