I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
