yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
