Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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