So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
