So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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