Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
