If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
