6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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