Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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