how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
