if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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