Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
