So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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