its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
