shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
