i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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