I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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