dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
