So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
