I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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