I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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