She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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