I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
