K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
