So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
