I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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