we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
