i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont even know how to be here
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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