Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
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you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize