I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
