remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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