imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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