its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your penis caused this!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
