And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
