his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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