My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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