you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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