I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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