ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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