I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
