the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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