Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
