After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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